Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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