hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The uberlube is also flammable
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
