They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
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