I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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