just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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