no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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