If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
