It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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