I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I love you.
Bad choice
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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