the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
