I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize