oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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