i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
She told me I should be a condom model.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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