also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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