he thought i was a dude.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
