you mean i was at the winter classic?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She even gives head with a lisp.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
