you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
