What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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