Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I have tasted many bathrooms
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
