I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
Randomize
