How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
