let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
