I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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