thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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