he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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