That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
