The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
