I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
