Joe is yelling at the trees again.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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