She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
