her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
