are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Mom said you looked used
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm too high and old for this...
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