I think I won the penis lottery.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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