At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
