I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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