I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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