oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
