I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Randomize
