first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she told me i tasted like america
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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