They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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