I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
