I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
