Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
