Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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