Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize