I'm really into asian looking animals
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Randomize
