I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
