Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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