There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
