OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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