Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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