Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I think my moral compass just broke
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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