Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
