toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
What did we do last night that was yellow?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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