Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
