Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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