she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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