Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
