I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
