I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
