508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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