my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
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