There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
