She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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