Plan B is the new Plan A
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
