fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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