i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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